just come out here and I will go home with you...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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