guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
