I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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