He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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