i need an iv and a liver transplant
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
