if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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