and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
