my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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