Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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