how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
