one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
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All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
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I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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