Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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