I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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