Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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