worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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