hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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