this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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