Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Actions speak louder than pants.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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