Is it normal to miss your booty call?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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