just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
