I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
