hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
