At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Someone shit on the floor
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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