I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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