He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
