I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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