grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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