she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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