You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i wish my penis had a tongue
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
