We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
