You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
