and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
