pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
