I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
