Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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