apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
