Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
