Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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