It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
