this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize