Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
