Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
i now understand why vodka
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
