and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
