Your face is a jimmy john
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
oh god the rape fog is back!
if only i could text you this smell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize