I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
