I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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