So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
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