If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
