there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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