i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
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didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
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Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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