TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
