She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
how drunk are you?
Several
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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