is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
