We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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