she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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