Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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