At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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