there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
