I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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