Jerry, you need to find god
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
