The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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