I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
