dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
