I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
God, you're like boner-b-gone
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.