It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Too much gin, very little bucket
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
