Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(607): View more from New York

I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me

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(607): I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me http://tfl.nu/xbef

Replies (2) Good night (1963) Bad night (754)
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(504): View more from Louisiana

i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out

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(504): i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out http://tfl.nu/wsgl

Replies (65) Good night (1709) Bad night (4636)
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(916): View more from California

So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?

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(916): So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off? http://tfl.nu/zq3l

Replies (114) Good night (24863) Bad night (1093)
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(205): View more from Alabama

So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls

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(205): So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls http://tfl.nu/yvx9

Replies (7) Good night (3308) Bad night (1255)
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?

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(780): Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top? http://tfl.nu/gcls

Replies (47) Good night (1513) Bad night (7046)
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(601): View more from Mississippi

Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..

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(601): Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store.. http://tfl.nu/p81s

Replies (9) Good night (2495) Bad night (914)
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(512): View more from Texas

Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.

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(512): Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent. http://tfl.nu/bb3p

Replies (7) Good night (1132) Bad night (2397)
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(404): View more from Georgia

He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?

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(404): He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair? http://tfl.nu/ho1p

Replies (20) Good night (1126) Bad night (2761)
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(281): View more from Texas

that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.

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(281): that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms. http://tfl.nu/qnq5

Replies (18) Good night (1976) Bad night (979)
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(760): View more from California

No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.

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(760): No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity. http://tfl.nu/loos

Replies (1) Good night (535) Bad night (904)
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(804): View more from Virginia

It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...

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(804): It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left... http://tfl.nu/rixb

Replies (7) Good night (463) Bad night (959)
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(206): View more from Washington

I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.

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(206): I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems. http://tfl.nu/rm1a

Replies (2) Good night (360) Bad night (508)
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(308): View more from Nebraska

First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.

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(308): First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress. http://tfl.nu/t184

Replies (2) Good night (783) Bad night (351)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.

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(717): There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option. http://tfl.nu/cutr

Replies (10) Good night (1233) Bad night (459)
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(864): View more from South Carolina

Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.

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(864): Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit. http://tfl.nu/yqm1

Replies (2) Good night (156) Bad night (465)

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