Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?