Texts From Last Night

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  (703): View more from Virginia

  So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?

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  (703): So... how did lowering your standards work out last night? http://tfl.nu/lq5v
  Replies (5) Good night (1189) Bad night (687)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.

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  (443): her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way. http://tfl.nu/3gxo
  Replies (5) Good night (688) Bad night (1722)
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.

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  (641): Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in. http://tfl.nu/co4b
  Replies (16) Good night (4142) Bad night (1072)
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  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number

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  (709): a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number http://tfl.nu/syte
  Replies (14) Good night (2992) Bad night (1277)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov

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  (610): My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov http://tfl.nu/bb85
  Replies (7) Good night (975) Bad night (817)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified

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  (801): I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified http://tfl.nu/y3tt
  Replies (13) Good night (2535) Bad night (1120)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation

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  (860): When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation http://tfl.nu/q5aa
  Replies (5) Good night (888) Bad night (415)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision

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  (401): I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision http://tfl.nu/c6qu
  Replies (0) Good night (849) Bad night (409)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.

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  (+44): First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve. http://tfl.nu/g7kr
  Replies (2) Good night (454) Bad night (1072)
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  (409): View more from Texas

  My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.

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  (409): My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty. http://tfl.nu/rx6s
  Replies (2) Good night (760) Bad night (305)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...

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  (304): I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here... http://tfl.nu/7uov
  Replies (3) Good night (335) Bad night (799)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.

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  (501): I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit. http://tfl.nu/ez6v
  Replies (0) Good night (830) Bad night (262)
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  (863): View more from Florida

  I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.

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  (863): I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever. http://tfl.nu/l0yy
  Replies (4) Good night (529) Bad night (254)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.

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  (405): Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking. http://tfl.nu/sqkf
  Replies (28) Good night (657) Bad night (383)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?

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  (307): Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today? http://tfl.nu/jvqk
  Replies (1) Good night (364) Bad night (211)

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