dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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