sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Your cock deserves a montage
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
