Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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