There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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