Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
