you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
