Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You were trust falling into bushes
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
