I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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