i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
