I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
