how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
