Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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